For some time I have wanted to write to you. I haven’t quite known where to start. There is so much in my heart I want to say.
I have never really ever recovered from losing you as a friend. Looking back now, I am not sure what even happened anymore. I am convinced that it was something stupid I said or did. I went through a long stupid phase in my late thirties that really has no excuse except for my own arrogance and self-promoting pride.
When our friendship fell apart, I didnt know what to do. I knew I would never have another best friend like you. I became wary of people. I was that way before you knew me, but I went right back to that lonely and distrusting place. Mostly because I know that no one will ever replace the friendship we had, and now it’s likely to never be that way again and I know it’s my fault.
You were the best friend I have ever had. You helped me loosen up. You brought out the best in me even at my worst. We laughed together, had children together, and dreamed together.
I want to tell you thank you for being that kind of friend. The kind of friend that is “closer than a brother”. (Prov 18:24b).The kind of friend you helped me grow and saw the good in me and encouraged me to be my better self.
I am sorry I took that friendship for granted. I am sorry I let my pride get in the way. And I am sorry I hurt you. I know that things will never be the same again, but I want to thank you for being a friend to me and caring about me the way Jesus would. For that I can never thank you enough.